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8. No Regrets?

I am not very sure the age range for most active bloggers in Malaysia but I like to think that most of us are young people, or at least in their early thirties. I don't know about you guys but I consider that as young age.

Reading Izzie's post in Terfaktab about her friend who died young which got her doubting/re-considering her principles, it got me thinking if the same thing happens to me. What if I die prematurely, and miss all the things I dreamed of having?

You know, things like, getting married, having a kid or two, backpacking throughout Europe, or even as simple as being contented with what I have. I've accomplished none of these things. But eventually, I come to realise; if I die young, these are not the things I regret not doing. I would only regret not being ready to meet God.

Oh so cliche. Everyone worries the same thing, don't we all?

But I don't think one says it enough. Despite going through pretty much shitty life as I know it, I still have a strong faith on ALLAH SWT. I believe there's an afterlife. I believe I will be punished for my sins, and if my good deeds are not able to outweigh the bad ones, I would be going to hell. I believe Islam is the ticket to Heaven, provided that I have been following HIS rules when I was living. I believe in these things most of us had lost grasp on nowadays.

So not showing enough love to God through my doings while I am living would be my only regret. There's just no other. Because once I am there (dead), I know I won't be punished for not doing those worldly things before my time is up.

How about you?

#nowlistening: Mono - The Battle To Heaven


7. Of Business And Its Partners And Being Rich And Poor

I don't know. An answer I love giving when I'm asked questions I don't like answering.

Also the kind of answer one would get when he/she said, "if you venture into business, I want to join you."


At 25, I am the (relatively) least business-minded person I know. Not because I am not interested in it, but I am just clueless on how and where I can go about. I don't stay long enough in a job to recognise what kind of things could be a stepping stone for me to build my multi-billion dollar imaginary upcoming business. Though I've dated guys with contacts - and even my current one, apart from being a handsomely-paid employee in a bank, he runs his own business too - I am just not sure how to initiate a conversation about how I can build my own empire. From their stories, they made them sound breezy. But I know for a fact, it is not easy unless you're lucky.

Yet, I do have plans for my own real business. I am still figuring out what to do due to my lack of experience. Though I know some people failed for the their first times, or second times, and so on, to me failure is definitely not an option. Once I am in there, I have to make it in there. I simply, JUST CAN'T FAIL.

Truthfully, being an employee, I am not the friendly kind. I have walls. I don't get engaged in a conversation too long. I don't linger. I talk, act friendly, feel weird, then walk away. Unless, it's with someone I know long enough, well enough, or feel comfortable enough. Even in Twitter, I was rarely having conversations with people, most of them are just touch'n'go-s. My point is, I'm better being a leader, being a boss. I know I always have been.

My partner, knowing me well, has been supportive. He never gives orders or instructions, just ideas for me to bounce off of. And yeah, some capital contributions as well. So, if I am finally on the stone, he's one to keep me plunging.

Which brought me back to the purpose of this rant; why I said 'I don't know' to my best friend who wanted to venture into any business with me.

Here's what she is like on normal days:
  1. Kan bagus kalau aku kerja dekat library dan dapat RM2,500 sebulan?
    (Isn't it great if I could work as a librarian and earn RM2,500 monthly?)

  2. Bila nak start bisnes semprit? Aku nak join. -> question directed at me.
    (When are you starting a semprit [cookies] business? I want to join.)

  3. Aku minat nak cuba buka Elianto outlet sebab staff boleh join bengkel untuk tahu cara-cara dia. - she quit a few weeks later on the job.
    (I'm interested to open up an Elianto outlet because as a staff, we can join their workshop to learn how to go about it.)

  4. Nanti aku kerja, aku nak kumpul duit, nak beli baju banyak-banyak macam Nurulcakapcakap.
    (Once I start working, I want to save money to spend on lots of clothes, like Nurulcakapcakap.)

  5. And so on.
We all know RM2,500 is not enough. Yeah if you just finish college and are new to the real, ugly world, that kind of paycheck can put you at the top of the world. Believe me kids, it's slippery as hell up there. You won't feel on top of the world too long. RM2,500 per month is just not enough. It's worse when that amount is the paycheck of your dream.

I love her as a friend, but knowing her long and well enough (we've been best friends since we were 3 years old I think), I don't think she has the attitude and the personality I look for in being a business partner. She doesn't mind borrowing money she would have trouble paying back later just so that she could buy something she likes but doesn't need. If I don't know any better, I still know one thing that I learned from reading Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad; rich people buy luxuries last, while the poor and middle class buy them first. It kinda seems out of context when I quoted it that way, but you will agree if you read the whole book.

My point is, you don't buy things when you don't have money to pay for it. You don't spend on unnecessary luxury you can't afford now just to appear as if you can, when it immediately becomes your expense at the point of purchase instead of income. You don't jump into someone's lap to join them in their business without your own initiative. You just can't.

Friends or not, people should know; friends are friends, business is business. You can't mix the two, else one of them is bound to get hurt. None of us wants to hurt a good friend, nor a good business now, do we?

I am not perfectly sticking to this philosophy of becoming rich, but my friend right here is not even aware of it, yet, she wants to be rich. Or maybe, appear rich.

Every day I try harder to accept the fact that I couldn't afford certain things until later (my first job after graduating allowed me to splurge on relatively1 expensive holidays and Louis Vuitton bags and relatively2 inexpensive watches, but I quit the job due to the pressure) - but all is well. I don't mind carrying a Baby Phat or Padini bags now. Because as for now, that's all I can afford.

Learning things on how to start a business taught me to be humble in spending. Though these days, it's not always my money being spent. What upp?! (Barney's style).

I don't plan to catch up on my dreams only when I am old and wrinkly.

But you know. If we do wind up having a business together, I shall remove this post. :D


1 Expensive because most young people whose earnings can take them to cheap holiday destinations, like Indonesia, Thailand, etc, and I could go somewhere a little bit expensive but I still couldn't afford Europe trips or the USA.

2 Inexpensive because I'm comparing mine to Omega watches.


6. Your Stand, Sir?

I am actually feeling so down right now because I think that my relationship with my current partner is at its end. However, I feel a little relieved and delighted that I am blogging and reading blogs again, so it kinda calms me a little bit. Well, it calmed me a lot since I already stopped shedding tears. YES!

On a totally unrelated news, and truthfully, the point of this post....

I was thinking the same thing that Hanis Manis posted in her blog a few days back, today, when I was scrolling my timeline on Twitter. It annoys me to some extent but since I am one who usually doesn't give a damn, and I forgot that I am now blogging again, so I left it at that. Reading Hanis's entry made me feel that I should probably say a few words.

You know how guys, young guys, young and unmarried guys to be more specific, actually just LOVEEEEE looking at girls/ladies/cougars/etc. They do. In twitter, when a hot girl changes her avatar and it shows some skin; the kind of response the girl would be getting is something like, aumm lah, *bleeding nose* lah, you know, stuff like that.

So I took it that they LOVE sexy girls.

What's ironic is, most of these guys are the same people who thought girls who wear leggings are idiots, Prema Yin and Gambit are a disgrace, so on and so forth.

So what gives?

I bet, these are the same guys with an external hard disk full of porn videos as well. Probably more than one.

Really, guys. Make up your mind.


5. Dream Life

Excessive exposure to plenty of American TV drama series during my younger days gave me a rough idea on the way of their young adults live their lives, where they don't stay with the parents, rent their own apartments, and bring home dates and fuck them. I always wanted that life.

Okay maybe I should not highlight about fucking your first-dates. Anyhow.

The reality is, the cost of living in cities in Malaysia is too high, so usually you can only afford renting your own room. Though there are plenty of studio apartments, you have to fork out more than RM1,000 per month for a furnished unit. Not the kind of bill you'd be willing to pay if you only earn RM2,500 before EPF and Socso.

Like now, I am renting in such apartment but my partner actually helps me settling half of the rental monthly. Yet, I still have to fork out so much on electricity bills because the installed stove in the kitchen is the electric one. I am now used to pay RM150 to RM200 monthly on electricity bill alone.

This is why I've always put my wish to get my own car on hold. It's been on hold for half a year already and though I pretty much need it now, I am still considering a life without my own transport.

Not the kind of the life I pictured it to be when I was studying. So kids, it's rare that you're going to live the life you wanted when you have to pick things up on your own without the family money (which I don't have because I come from a relatively poor family), or without husband's money (or husband's family money, whichever applies, and again, which I don't have because I am not married).

So now you know why I usually settle with older guys. Oh, bite me!


4. It's Not My Age.

This might be a norm, might be not. But since high school, I've been piling on weight instead of losing it, despite my active lifestyle. My conclusion? Food are getting unhealthier.

Of course I won't blame myself, dammit.

When I was schooling, I enjoyed playing pretense. With my walkman on (wow there's red line under the word 'walkman' - it's no longer in the dictionary or had it always not been there?), and that Enchanteur talc powder bottle as my microphone, I'd lock my bedroom door and pretended that I was performing in front of thousands of audience. I did this since I was 12.

My favourite magazine then was CLEO because their fitness section always featured new workout routines I could use to tighten this and that muscle (and the magazine was, and still is inexpensive), so on and so forth. I'd compile them all in a file and perform them all every two days if not everyday. Yes, I worked out in my tiny bedroom.

Then in matriculation, I went jogging every weekend in the morning to the point that I could not stop running for an hour or so. In university, the first year, I didn't eat rice at all. Staying on the fourth floor helped a lot to keep the weight at bay as well. I played tennis a lot, too. After my second year, I jogged at Tasik Section 7, Shah Alam every evening on weekdays, and both mornings and evenings on weekends. I'd get restless if I missed a day for no reason.

I was pretty fit. And tanned than I've ever been my whole life.

Now, unfortunately, I could feel my fitness level had gone down tremendously. Though I eat healthier options of food with occasional binge eating, and I try to be as active as possible, like doing cardio in the evenings when I come home early from work, I am just not feeling as fit. I tried joining the gym but it was so boring.

Gyms are usually air-conditioned so I have to work extra hard to achieve whatever the hell it is I want to achieve due to the lack of oxygen in the gym room. That's why I love going outdoor for jogging. Nothing beats fresh air.

I guess, the age is catching up.

Food is not helping much either. Last time, there was no Butterscotch bread, people! >:(

Since I was always trying to stay healthy since I was much younger, in my head, to get fit, apart from managing food intake, YOU MUST WORKOUT. If you only cut down on food intake solely, I don't see the point of losing weight. This is pretty much programmed in my head. That's why I always cringe when I hear women skip meals to lose weight but don't try to be active to intentionally lose those extra calories.

But I know for a fact that you can lose weight JUST by cutting calories intake. I did it before, I saw it on TV on a British or Australian (I find it hard to tell which is which) show where they'd put four people to the test; each was put in a different routine for eight weeks to see which way was the fastest to get a six-pack (one - cardio; two - sit-ups; three - strict diet; four - weight train). The one who was the fastest to lose body fats was the one on a strict diet, and the one doing cardio comes to close second.

So yeah, you could lose weight just by controlling your diet. But I guess, I am looking for more than just weight loss. BECAUSE I NEED TO BE FIT TO BE HAPPY. Yeah, liposuction is not an option either. I can't afford it anyway.

Now I am using porn images (mostly in .gif format) to motivate myself to be fitter. For good reason, all is forgiven, right?

Matlamat tak menghalalkan cara? Piss off.


2. Pointy, Pointless Post.

  1. So I have no time to explain why I am suddenly blogging again. So let's get to some other things.

  2. I think it's been ten, eleven months since I deleted my Pretty Awkward blog. Has it been awesome ten, eleven months? There was no difference, really.

  3. I used to be this indecisive girl who was dating around with different guys at one time when I was quitting my blog. I used to believe I was no good enough for anybody, and that I got bored almost immediately. Well, I am still very indecisive. But I am settled with one partner.

  4. No, I am not getting married.

  5. I'd like to think that I am going to post some useful stuff here in this new blog but I don't know, when it comes to writing, or typing for that matter, I am very inconsistent. I'll crap about relationships, best friends with crappy life planning. Y'know, shit stuff like that. I know, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cliche. #dealwithit?

  6. I am not sure if this is gonna be a fully English blog. I don't think so. My vocab hasn't improved since I was 15.

  7. I like simple layout so this is probably the only layout I'll allow on my blog. Free, simple, and I feel cleaner spiritually.

  8. I do want readers. Regular readers at that. I don't like to crap on my own.

  9. I hope I can make it to the third post.

  10. For fun, I am going to post a Justin Bieber's photo that I got off Tumblr.

PS: It's okay to post stupid stuff in the first few posts. Period.